(OLD BLOG) Damsel In Distress

I have been to insanity lately, if that’s what you’ll call it. I have been a wanderer to a great abyss and don’t know when will it end. I keep on chasing the answers that would help me find the great realization of my being, of love?.

Love was never what I thought it was. I have been, you know hoping for a hopeless romantic ending. Sabi nga sa Love Story na kanta ni Taylor Swift, he’ll be my prince and I will be his princess blah blah, basta ganun yung lyrics. And what I used to hear in fairy tales na famous line na, “..and they lived happily ever after..”, gusto ko pa ding malaman if it’s true.

Madami tayong naloloka sa love, not literally, of course. Lahat ng tao may kanya-kanyang ka-emo-han sa life sabi nga ni Chin sa akin kagabi… Kagabi nung nagdadrama na naman ako kay Chin kahit beforehand nyan, medyo nagkatampuhan kami, she still managed to listen to my woes and everything.

In times, we maybe so stupid to do some things for that damn four letter word, LOVE. Madami na akong kagagahan na ginawa dahil dyan. Lately, nagiging boring na. I wanna give up just like that. No fairy tale ending.

Bakit nga ba ako nag-iinarte this time? Wala gusto ko lang. You know yung feeling na gusto mong magseryoso tapos yung taong pinaglalaanan mo ng oras at panahon, cannot respond to your sentiment, your feelings, ika nga ng iba. Bakit ba kasi ang feelings na yan di natin nako-control?

Love has no boundaries. Yan natutunan ko yan lately. Na kahit na binigyan ka na ng limitations, you still go and play with fire. Masarap talaga ang bawal. It gives you an adrenaline rush. Parang buhay na buhay ang dugo mo sa katawan and then in the end kapag tapos na, doon ka magsisisi. Ang tao talaga, matigas ang ulo, at masasabi ko na ngang isa ako sa mga yun. Tapos in the end when you’re already in a deep shit loving that person na di naman kayang ireciprocate ang binibigay mong love, iiyak-iyak or maglalaslas ng pulso. Oh well, di pa naman ako umabot sa ganung point at wala akong balak. I still have my lucid intervals pa naman.

Kapag nalaman mong di rin pala mutual yung feelings nya para sa’yo, para ka lang sinaksak ng ice pick sa tagiliran. May sugat ka pero nagiging manhid at unti-unti ka nang pinapatay. Sabi nga ng isa kong friend, dapat kasi ikaw di mo hinahanap yung para sa’yo, kusang darating yan. Sabi ko naman, to hell with that, naiinip na ako. Ayan tuloy ang napala ko.

Kaya eto, para kong basag na ewan., trying to bring the pieces back in its place, learning the art of moving on with love and life. I am still on the hunt of that one person who will accept who I am and what I am.. To love and be loved in return, yun yun eh. Just for the sake of kasentihan, wala akong magawang outlet kundi ito lang.

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